I've been thinking about writing a lot over the last few weeks. But that's where it's ended. Either there's a diaper to change. A baby to feed. A meal to fix. A baby to feed. Laundry to switch. A baby to feed. You get the drill. Just pulling out the computer to start writing seemed like a futile effort. But today is the day.
I'm sitting on my bedroom floor next to my beautiful mini-me surrounded by half completed thank you notes, insurance paperwork, my calendar, and handouts for a teaching program I'm starting next week. Note: yes I am that crazy to start a year-long certificate program in the midst of my maternity leave.
On one hand I think I'm crazy to embark on anything that will take time away from loving on my baby girl. On the other I wonder if it might keep me slightly sane. But one thing I do know. Today I woke up to yet another birthday. Can I be honest? More than one year as a grown adult I have been sad at the end of the day that another birthday was over. It's the same feeling I had as a 5 year old after all the Christmas presents were opened. That's it? I have to wait another WHOLE YEAR? But back to birthday's - we all know they aren't the same as we get older, but my child inside still secretly wished for days full of parties, cake, and playdates. I mean I love being loved on, even now. We might celebrate differently without all the parties and presents and streamers than when I was a kid (read as: celebrate by putting in a 8-hour worlday). But yet there's still something special about it all.
And yet, this year my perspective has done a 180 by no will of my own. Don't get me wrong - I love the cards I've received and the dinner I'll have out with my main squeeze. But (can I just be super real here?) I hardly know the day of the week while I've been home with baby girl, much less had two minutes to think about what I wanted or where to go for dinner. Ask my sister - she asked those questions so many times the last few weeks & always got the same answer. "I haven't even thought about it." So needless to say it has snuck up on me. And yesterday at the pediatrician's office I noticed the calendar and was like "oh- tomorrow's my birthday....I should try to take a shower. That would be nice." And with that one thought I have moved into the camp of birthday's are just "another day". All thanks to becoming a mom. The best gift I've ever been given. Has it been easy? No way. Have I loved every moment? Nope. Would I trade it for anything. Absolutely not. In the deepest part of my soul, I'm ok with my transition to this strange new thought on birthdays. My family loves me and I know they'll acknowledge the day. And frankly that's enough for me. So here's to year 31. I can't wait for the memories you will bring me and my new family of three. This new journey for is the best gift I could ask for anyways and I wouldn't have it any other way.